Good evening to anyone reading this.
I listened to a radio 4 programme this morning and the first session was about the trouble teachers are having in school with disciple. One teacher said when she was at school in the 70's , if she was told by her teacher that her parents were being called in because of her bad behaviour...she shook in her shoes. These days if she tells a pupil off the child will reply, "ll set my mum on you".! Were did it all go wrong?... is a question l ask myself quite a lot lately. Not all children are rude or disrespectful to adults or other children but too many are.
I am not blaming parents solely...but...so many families these days have no rules, no guide lines and most important in my book...never sit down to eat together at least once a week. Sitting round a table eating with be the time children tell you about their day or news about them or their friends. It is a very special bonding time. After school tea- time is just as good for talking as is the evening meal. I do understand that a lot of parents work and so this isn't always possible. But one meal a week getting together to eat and chat is better than nothing, l promise you. Srart as young as possible and it will remain with the family for years to come. My family still loving coming home to have say..a Sunday Lunch together..special times.
Another problem l am consistently coming across in my practice , is the need for some parents to try desperately to become their child's/childrens best friend. This seems to make them reluctant to tell the child/children off ... just in case the child dislike them. By all means be friends but remember who is the adult and who is the child. Children need to know where the lines are. Even now, at 33 my son knows when he is about to cross a line and with smile and back off.
Never be frightened to tell your child off but it is best to try not to shout at them, stand in their space or if possible never to strike them. Remember ...always to explain to them what they have done wrong and what you are going to do about it. One very important rule to remember is...what was wrong today is wrong tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. Stick to your guns and that way children start to understand what the rules are. How can you expect children to know what is right or wrong in the way they behave if you change the rules all the time. Yes l know. It is hard to keep telling children off for the same thing day after day but it will work..l promise.
Start when they are young and it gets easier as they get bigger..and then there are the teenage years..well that's another topic for another day!
Good night.

shame on me!

Oh dear..l have discovered that l am one of those people who always starts of the year with good intentions and a few New Year Promises..and then ...RARELY keep them. L am so ashamed of myself. Here it is 16th September 2009 and l have not done one write- up on this blog! My only excuse is that my therapy business has taken off, my art is coming on well and l have had my son's wedding this which l was very involved in! sorry!!
l have decided that perhaps if l record a video every so often it will be easier than sitting and writing what l think. As people who know me..l dont find talking very hard!!!! so if l can work the video upload ..l will start tomorrow! fingers crossed!

Happy New Year for 2009!
From now on, this counselling site will be updated each week. l hope to cover issues that have appeared in the press, tv or l have heard on the radio...in fact anything that interests me, made me laugh, become angry, or sad; or an article that has made me think. But basically every thing to do with children, women and families.
2009 is going to be a very difficult but interesting year l feel. So anything l can do to make peoples lives easier..l will try and do!
Please feel free to add any comments to this blog or email me at elemaitch@yahoo.co.uk.

Sunshine and Smiles!

As the weather is being really miserable and dark at present..l am finding mornings very difficult. Get up in the dark and then finish work in the dark! Not fun. As a therapist l see lots of people with SAD....in other words don't like this dark weather syndrome!!!!!!!
So l thought..ok how do we cheer ourselves up and go out and face that awful dark morning folks.?
Then...this weekend l was up in Yorkshire visiting my mother-in-law and saw these wonderful things. Fancy waking up in the morning, cold, dark and feeling miserable and then walking into the kitchen and....WOW...sunlight.
May be we could get these on the NHS...for depressed and sad patients!!! Happy eating.

pregnant mums and care

Hi everyone!

I have had a lot of pregnant mums contacting me lately because they are so scared of going through labour with no help...as reported by the national newspapers. People know that l used to be a birth partner and that maybe as a Therapist, as well l could help with hints and tips etc.
So, l decided to do some inquiring and see what was going on. I must admit l didn't like what l found. When l was a Birth Partner over 5 years ago, l was worried because women didn't seem to be getting the care before hand and the birth was very hit and miss. What l have found out since really shocks me. It appears that a lot of women are not able or don't find time to go to Birthing Classes before hand and that many women spend many hours on their own in labour as there are not enough midwives to go round.
Many women l talked to said there either wasn't a Birthing Class in their area, the classes were full or they couldn't get time off work each week to go or they didn't think they would need one! I also found many women not bothering to find out much because it is alright they will have an epidural!! So if for some reason they can't have one or they arrive too late to have it...they don't know how to breathe correctly or how to use the gas and air the right way to benefit them. They don't know what to do, so therefore their partners don't either and every one is stressed and frightened by the situation.
Child Birth is painful but you can be taught to cope with breathing etc. if your partner feels confident, he is happier...therefore a bonding and loving birth can be achieved! No this is not a fairy tale, l have seen and been part of many a happy birth. It all depends on the attitude of Midwives, confidence of couple and atmosphere in the room.

A great deal can also be done to help you be more relaxed before and after the birth by arranging to have a freezer full of cooked food. Enables dad to feel confident about feeding you all and you can relax knowing you don't have to do anything. You can either do this your self in advance or you can be very clever and go to "Cook" find their website address in my resources page on my web site www.elemaitch.co.uk
You can maybe have a Baby Shower were everyone brings you a dish or two to put in your freezer. Another way is to get excited grandparents to full the freezer for you as a baby present. Or you could always do it yourself...this is plug l know for this company but l feel their home cooked food is fab. There baby food is also really handy to have too. End of plug! More tips in a few days.

If you are feeling down..here is some thing to make you smile and think that good things do happen in this world!

A five-year-old boy dressed in a Spider-Man suit became a real superhero in Brazil when he saved a baby girl from her burning home.

While playing in his back garden with a friend, Riquelme Maciel spotted smoke coming out of the wooden house's windows and ran to tell the baby's mother, Lucilene dos Santos.

But Ms Santos was too afraid to enter the blaze, so it was down to young Maciel to step in and save the day - he rushed into the burning house and grabbed baby Andrieli from her cradle.

The Fire Department Chief Jose de Macedo praised the boy's bravery, and much like his hero Spider-Man, Maciel became the talk of the town.

His face made it to the cover of all the local newspapers and he no longer needs the red and blue costume to be recognised.

Maciel said he is now dreaming of becoming a fire-fighter so he can save more lives.

I had a very interesting conversation with a lady in a Coffee Shop the other afternoon, over the meaning of "Normal".

What is normal?

Oxford English Dictionary: • adjective 1 conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

Does that help?

I have always been told l'm different, not normal, quirky and way out! All because l am artistic or because l didn't and don't follow fashion etc....! I was once told l didn't fit into any of the expected Boxes!!! What boxes l wanted to ask, l was about 8 at the time. The best piece of advice l was ever given concerning boxes was from an Art Tutor at college. She told me that as long as l thought out of the box l'd be o.k but if l started to conform and tried to fit inside this "box"...l'd fail. GOOD ADVICE. If you are a star shape or oblong... how can you fit in a square box? So l suppose l don't fit the norm expected of "A Therapist"... but that's o.k because what does a therapist look like? how do they talk etc. I wear 2 different earings, my hair is longer on one side than the other...need l go on ?.......Still no wiser to what "Normal" really means!

Did you know that 1 in 4 of us will have some sort of mental illness in our life time? I feel that we are all individuals, so how can a person with mental heath problems be treated the same as the next mentally ill person? o.k. you can have the same label but act differently. That is why l think each person should be able to have a therapist that suits them. Unfortunately in the NHS that isn't so easy. There are not enough Therapists to go round and not enough money to help either.
We are a Mulit Cultural society and l think that must cause problems too. From my own life experiences l know how different people are from region to region let alone country to country. So finding a Therapist that understands your rituals, language etc is often difficult. As a person who say ...has anxiety problems..seeing a Therapiste who doesn't understand your culture or language puts even more pressure on the poor patient. I don't speak other languages ...but...hand jestures and using Art often gets over the language barrier. I lived and worked all over the world and been lucky enough to be able to study many cultures. I also know how difficult it is to be ill in a strange country and not to be able to explain how you feel because you don't have the words. Any form of Mental Health problems is distressing, add language and cultural differences on top and life gets very difficult indeed.