Today l met a lady who is addicted to Facebook and twitter and didnt realise she was until something dramatic happened this morning. She can not bear to not know what is going on with her friends and her contacts. She goes on to her computor for 2 hours before she goes to work at 8.30...she is on her i phone on the bus and the train....cannot bare to not be connected to "someone" all the time. When she gets home in the evening, she has the computor on to be connected to Facebook...phone for twitter and also she has the T.V on watching the soaps.

The reason she came to see me was because early this morning, she had her phone stolen and had a huge panic attack on Waterloo station..screaming and crying and totally out of controll. She was on her hands and knees throwing everything out of her bag and briefcase..all over the floor..trying to find her iphone... crying,screaming and having problems breathing. A policeman and railway staff eventually called an ambulance and took her to the hospital. All this because she had lost or had her phone stolen and couldn't contact anyone in " her world" and felt totally lost. The emergency staff treated her but she felt they were laughing at her all the time and couldnt take her seriously. Eventually she was sent home , but not before a nurse said to her, "I think you need to see a counsellor and or your doctor, you appear to have an addition to your phone and definitly need help".

Until this happened my client hadn't realised how she had become so attached to "being in constant with everyone all the time". She knew that if she misplaced her phone at home she had to find it to feel safe again but thought this was normal. Her friends tease her sometimes about her addition to "being in touch" with people but she never took it seriously until this morning!

I noticed the whole time she was talking to me, she was shaking and wrapping a tissue round and round in her fingers.

She had rung her doctors surgery and was given several private counsellor numbers....( not NHS as she felt she need to see some-one NOW and not have to wait to get an appointment in a few weeks time..sad but true.) She had only lost her phone for 5 hours and she was terrified how she was going to last until tomorrow when she could get a replacement.

Once my client had calmed down and drunk her tea, l helped her to start to see why she felt she had to be constently "connected" to people via phone/computor etc. In this particular case some of the reasons are because she feels if she doesn't know what her friends are doing..she may miss out on something they plan and dont include her. Of course it goes a lot deeper and will take a while to solve but if she wants to cure herself she can.

I think there are a lot of people out there that feel the same way. I know that some times when l forget my phone when l go shopping, l can feel two different feelings. One...l can suddenly feel very free and liberated by being out of contact from the "world". Two..sudden panic! What happens if someone in my family needs me because they are hurt or ill..what happens if a client new or old needs to contact me and l dont answer my phone... they will think l dont care or new client will be lost to me! Silly really when l have an answer phone but there it is....how could any one cope without me!Ha!

So if you are reading this...see if you can leave your phone at home or just start by turning your phone off for a few hours and...see how you feel.

sad!

Hi,
I was talking yesterday about children and discipline ect and in today's Daily Mail(yes l know..but l also read the guardian!) there is an article from a mum who talks about the same subject. This lady has ten years between her second baby and the third and talks about the very big differences in the way parents view all forms of childcare these days. The main comments were about the fact that the parents she meets now are "oh so careful" as to not upset their little darlings in case they damage them and in the future will need therapy. She comments that you have to explain everything to them and don't say "that is bad but that is not good ". when telling them off. She agrees that you need to explain to the child why they cant do some thing but be firm not all apologetic for telling them off in the first place.
This particular article l think, springs from the case concerning the lady who killed her disablied daughter and then committed suicide, after years of bullying from local children. Because of this case there is a lot of media coverage and articles about ferral children and lack of parental/school control. Also, the story has broken the police are NOW there protecting the "feral" childrens family from attacks and death threats. Weird world we live in. I must admit l do think a lot of the time the law seems to be on the side of the would be attacker rather than the intented victim. l am not anti police but l do think things are becoming very mixed up theses days. For instance a dinner lady being sacked because she had told the parents about the real things that had happened to her daughter in school, not the simple schools story. The father who is being prosecuted because he pulled of local youths by their arms, when they were beating up his disabled young son. The young man ( around 13) the other morning on the bus when asked by an elderly man on crutches, if he could have his seat, was told in no uncertain tones.." Bugger off old man, l paid for my seat". When told by me that actually his ride was free and he was actually siting in a seat designated for the elderly, he replied..." Fuck off..who is going to make me move?" He did actually move, aided by me but it did not start my day off well. I did report this incident to his school and they were very unhelpful and almost said that what did l expect them to do? I rest my case!
I know that there are children and families out there that are polite, kind and law abiding but the few that are not make us forget the rest.

Good evening to anyone reading this.
I listened to a radio 4 programme this morning and the first session was about the trouble teachers are having in school with disciple. One teacher said when she was at school in the 70's , if she was told by her teacher that her parents were being called in because of her bad behaviour...she shook in her shoes. These days if she tells a pupil off the child will reply, "ll set my mum on you".! Were did it all go wrong?... is a question l ask myself quite a lot lately. Not all children are rude or disrespectful to adults or other children but too many are.
I am not blaming parents solely...but...so many families these days have no rules, no guide lines and most important in my book...never sit down to eat together at least once a week. Sitting round a table eating with be the time children tell you about their day or news about them or their friends. It is a very special bonding time. After school tea- time is just as good for talking as is the evening meal. I do understand that a lot of parents work and so this isn't always possible. But one meal a week getting together to eat and chat is better than nothing, l promise you. Srart as young as possible and it will remain with the family for years to come. My family still loving coming home to have say..a Sunday Lunch together..special times.
Another problem l am consistently coming across in my practice , is the need for some parents to try desperately to become their child's/childrens best friend. This seems to make them reluctant to tell the child/children off ... just in case the child dislike them. By all means be friends but remember who is the adult and who is the child. Children need to know where the lines are. Even now, at 33 my son knows when he is about to cross a line and with smile and back off.
Never be frightened to tell your child off but it is best to try not to shout at them, stand in their space or if possible never to strike them. Remember ...always to explain to them what they have done wrong and what you are going to do about it. One very important rule to remember is...what was wrong today is wrong tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. Stick to your guns and that way children start to understand what the rules are. How can you expect children to know what is right or wrong in the way they behave if you change the rules all the time. Yes l know. It is hard to keep telling children off for the same thing day after day but it will work..l promise.
Start when they are young and it gets easier as they get bigger..and then there are the teenage years..well that's another topic for another day!
Good night.

shame on me!

Oh dear..l have discovered that l am one of those people who always starts of the year with good intentions and a few New Year Promises..and then ...RARELY keep them. L am so ashamed of myself. Here it is 16th September 2009 and l have not done one write- up on this blog! My only excuse is that my therapy business has taken off, my art is coming on well and l have had my son's wedding this which l was very involved in! sorry!!
l have decided that perhaps if l record a video every so often it will be easier than sitting and writing what l think. As people who know me..l dont find talking very hard!!!! so if l can work the video upload ..l will start tomorrow! fingers crossed!

Happy New Year for 2009!
From now on, this counselling site will be updated each week. l hope to cover issues that have appeared in the press, tv or l have heard on the radio...in fact anything that interests me, made me laugh, become angry, or sad; or an article that has made me think. But basically every thing to do with children, women and families.
2009 is going to be a very difficult but interesting year l feel. So anything l can do to make peoples lives easier..l will try and do!
Please feel free to add any comments to this blog or email me at elemaitch@yahoo.co.uk.

Sunshine and Smiles!

As the weather is being really miserable and dark at present..l am finding mornings very difficult. Get up in the dark and then finish work in the dark! Not fun. As a therapist l see lots of people with SAD....in other words don't like this dark weather syndrome!!!!!!!
So l thought..ok how do we cheer ourselves up and go out and face that awful dark morning folks.?
Then...this weekend l was up in Yorkshire visiting my mother-in-law and saw these wonderful things. Fancy waking up in the morning, cold, dark and feeling miserable and then walking into the kitchen and....WOW...sunlight.
May be we could get these on the NHS...for depressed and sad patients!!! Happy eating.

pregnant mums and care

Hi everyone!

I have had a lot of pregnant mums contacting me lately because they are so scared of going through labour with no help...as reported by the national newspapers. People know that l used to be a birth partner and that maybe as a Therapist, as well l could help with hints and tips etc.
So, l decided to do some inquiring and see what was going on. I must admit l didn't like what l found. When l was a Birth Partner over 5 years ago, l was worried because women didn't seem to be getting the care before hand and the birth was very hit and miss. What l have found out since really shocks me. It appears that a lot of women are not able or don't find time to go to Birthing Classes before hand and that many women spend many hours on their own in labour as there are not enough midwives to go round.
Many women l talked to said there either wasn't a Birthing Class in their area, the classes were full or they couldn't get time off work each week to go or they didn't think they would need one! I also found many women not bothering to find out much because it is alright they will have an epidural!! So if for some reason they can't have one or they arrive too late to have it...they don't know how to breathe correctly or how to use the gas and air the right way to benefit them. They don't know what to do, so therefore their partners don't either and every one is stressed and frightened by the situation.
Child Birth is painful but you can be taught to cope with breathing etc. if your partner feels confident, he is happier...therefore a bonding and loving birth can be achieved! No this is not a fairy tale, l have seen and been part of many a happy birth. It all depends on the attitude of Midwives, confidence of couple and atmosphere in the room.

A great deal can also be done to help you be more relaxed before and after the birth by arranging to have a freezer full of cooked food. Enables dad to feel confident about feeding you all and you can relax knowing you don't have to do anything. You can either do this your self in advance or you can be very clever and go to "Cook" find their website address in my resources page on my web site www.elemaitch.co.uk
You can maybe have a Baby Shower were everyone brings you a dish or two to put in your freezer. Another way is to get excited grandparents to full the freezer for you as a baby present. Or you could always do it yourself...this is plug l know for this company but l feel their home cooked food is fab. There baby food is also really handy to have too. End of plug! More tips in a few days.