After writing the other day, on shame and divorce, what should l read in my paper the next day? Yes, you are right, divorce and shame and why we are having so many? One of the comments that really shocked me, was when they started talking about a phenomenon, being calling "The Starter Marraige". What you ask, is a starter marraige? Well apparently Peacher's Geldof, Jordon and Cheryl Cole have all had one..in other words, a short lived marraige! The phase implies a fundimentally dismissive attitude to marriage. They consider marraige is not something that you go into for the whole of your life because people are living longer, is one excuse l heard the other day!!
A while ago l read somewhere, that a lot of young people marry because they are looking for security and stability. It appears that many of these " children " come from divorced parents and maybe they are trying to show that they can make their marraiges work! Unfortunetly a lot of these couples have an unrealistic expectations of what marraige is and what it takes to actually make it work. The media has a lot to answer for in this aspect l think!
Take Jordon for example, she announced her seperation from husband Peter Andre, then she was with her a new man within weeks, left him, then got engaged to him, married him and declared she wanted more babies soon...all within a year of her original divcorce! When people see celebrity couples marry and divorce, it doesn't seem to be a big problem. l heard someone say it seems realitivly easy, divorce is a right of passage and to this persons mind, it held no stigma!
Another thing that worries me, is that these young people don't seem to take time to mourn their loss before they move on to pastures green. Sometime in the future, all this will come back to bite them, if they don't sort out their feelings before moving on!
l personally think that one of the problems maybe, that women have been told "They can have it all". Scenario No.1......They get married, work, have children and maybe become "stay home mums" to look after the babiies, by choice. They start to feel they have lost their identity and their friends, who are still working, our rising in their companies, having fun and these woman feel they have been left behind.
Scenario No.2...... The woman who works, has babies and then goes back to work. Maybe by choice maybe because she has to because they cannot manage without her money. This woman has to cope with housework, children, work and being a mum and a wife! "They can have it all" stikes again!
There is still alot to be learnt about marraige and l think that unless we start talking to our young generation, about how hard marraige can be is in all honesty, we will keep on having marraiges that last only a few months to a year. Marraige is not a fairy tale, like Jordon's wedding day was, it is a combination of love, trust, talking, fun, hard work and give and take! Yes it can be hard work but anything that is worth having, is worth working for!..or so my grandmother used to tell me. My grandparents were married for over 60 years, my parents are coming up to 60 and l have been married over 37 years. None of us have had heart-ache free marraiges but you work through it, pick yourself up and try again. Always try and remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place! And take it from one who knows...you can fall back in love with your husband/wife, if you really want to save your marraige and carry on being a couplex
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